4 weeks 4 days.
1 month and 20 days I need to keep this a secret.
52 days I cannot share I am pregnant. I have to hide my symptoms the best I can, hope no one asks or notices.
If I make it that far.
I did join a forum for other women who are due the same month I am ~ and it's nice to talk about it some way I guess. Just not with actual persons I know in real life. Just over the internet is it aloud.
I've been so sad ever since I got a positive test. I don't know why I took it. I was only one day past my expected period that hadn't come yet. I wish I hadn't taken it. Now I'm just in limbo even longer.
It is torturous.
Waiting to see if my body betrays me again... If I actually get to announce this pregnancy and not mourn in secret. Well, I ended up talking about it last time anyway. People who didn't know I was pregnant ended up knowing about my MC. I couldn't NOT talk about. It affected me so much.
I have felt more depressed than I have in months since Friday, when I took my first test.
This feels like such a heavy burden.
beta today was 742, progesterone 22. No call yet from my midwife but I have read these are okay numbers for how far I estimate I am.
Can my negativity and lack of believing it'll work out hurt my pregnancy? Can I affect my fate in that way? Or is it all up to the Lords will?
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