Well, my girls are pretty wonderful so that is helpful.
I had a lot of help in the beginning, which I believe kept PPD symptoms at bay. It's the times I am not getting enough sleep that I really struggle.
I could do a separate post over that alone.
Elise is sleeping now, she will take two-three naps a day and bedtime is 7:00, depending on how much I remind/nag my husband. I like punctuality but I don't think he appreciates it as much. Haha.
Marilyn goes down for a nap between 1230-1:00 and will usually nap at least two hours. Occasionally the two girls will nap at the same time, but I can't count on it. If Elise wakes up earlier than normal it will mean her second nap comes earlier, obv.
I thought for months if I could get more sleep, THEN I would have more energy to keep the house clean and tidy, and organize everything like I want so badly.
And I needed more patience with Marilyn so I read about a good schedule for babies with similar ages of Elise at the time and put her on a schedule.
I hate it.
Now she cries almost every time I just put her on the changing table to change her diaper because she associates it with nap time. She screams when it's bedtime. It doesn't matter how many books I read or how many songs I sing or how long she is rocked. I put her down in her crib, she cries.
I drank a lot of wine the first couple weeks of sleep training. I really felt like I needed it, which I hated. But I knew I needed more sleep. She was still waking every 2 hours and I was losing my patience way too easily during the day. I knew I needed more sleep to be a better mom, wife, woman, etc...
She still cries, but not very long. So I guess that's something. I still hate it though!!! I read from so many other moms that their child stopped crying and would actually leave a happy baby in the crib - this has never happened for us! Ugh!
Even more frustrating, I still need half a pot of coffee to make me feel even remotely ready to tackle any sort of task. I am still dragging and craving sugar and carbs for a pick-me-up. (I haven't mentioned the fifteen pounds I put BACK on since December have I? Not baby weight. SUGAR weight. Well, plus that one weeks worth of wine, yikes.)
I am waiting on lab results - I do not think it's normal at all how fatigued I still am.
I won't even get into trying to get back into shape while anemic.
Enough bitching.
I have prayed about all the above, especially Elise's sleeping problems. So. Much. Prayer. And I questioned myself a lot, but now that I'm on the other side of it (she only wakes once if at all when she's well) I guess it was worth it. No, it definitely was. I was becoming a mother I did not want to be. I can much more easily stay calm when my two-year-old is throwing fits or just blatantly ignores me now.
My girls are pretty good, though. I am blessed. The baby is so stinking HAPPY. And Marilyn adores her and is incredibly sweet.
I hope to teach them SO much, and it starts with making myself a better woman and being the best example I can be. Um, hello, that's a lot of pressure!
So things I'm trying to improve now...
1. Speaking kindly no matter how frustrated, or even mad, I feel (I do hate how much I can feel like a slave to my feelings!) This includes my husband!
2. Praying out loud more. I pray a lot during the day, but I noticed that Marilyn was associating prayer with eating.. I realized I needed to teach her she can pray anytime, anywhere! God is always listening.
3. Be over the top loving and affectionate (keeping it G, though, obv..) to Steve in front of the girls. How awful to hear my daughter give him the sass I've TAUGHT her. Lord forgive me. And help me!
4. Not eating/drinking for some sort of fix. Like I mentioned, sugar for a pick-me-up in the afternoon and then alcohol to chill in the evening. *shakes my head*
5. The ultimate DREAM -- complete organization of EVERYTHING in the home & keeping A rigid schedule for keeping the house clean.
