Firstly let me say - I LOVE BEING A MOM! I love my little girl SOOO much and it is a JOY to me to spend my days and nights taking care of her. But it has come with some tears!
The first week was a blur. The first couple of nights I had trouble sleeping - I was so worried about Marilyn choking or SIDS, etc.. the only thing that let me sleep was using a Snuza monitor that would alarm if it sensed no movement/she stopped breathing. The first 7-10 days I peed just as much as I did during the last weeks of pregnancy, sweat a TON, and bled quite a bit - but not as much as my periods. (I have horrible and heavy periods, though! I still bled a lot!) I stayed on a rotation of motrin & tylenol so I didn't have very bad cramps like I've heard some people complain of. I was prepared for period level cramps, too! By about 10 days (I think) a majority of any swelling I had was gone. I can't remember the last time I could see the veins on top of my feet! How nice :)
Breastfeeding: It is amazing that we are born with instincts to suck on nipples for food. It really blows my mind! We are truly wonderfully made!! My milk came in the Monday afternoon after she was born, just two days! My breasts hurt SO bad I pumped the first time to get some relief - I got four ounces from each side. She wasn't latching really well, she'd scream at the breast and pull herself off. I hired a lactation consultant to come by the next day after two long nights and LOTS of tears from Marilyn and I, plus my feeling like a horrible mom. Worth every penny. It immediately helped and I've been using the tools she taught me ever since. :) Marilyn has been fighting feeding a little this week, along with increase feedings and frequency, but I believe that is due to her three week growth spurt. I have a pretty heavy let down so I try to pump for a few minutes before feeding her. It helps the initial latch, but during the feedings I often have other heavy letdowns. (I don't know how many letdowns is normal.) The left side is much heavier than the right (normal) so that side is definitely more of a struggle. Evenings I have a little less milk, but then she will often be extra fussy anyway during the evenings. LOL - life with a newborn!
I've been pumping in between feedings almost daily ever since my milk came in. I already have 150+ ounces frozen. WOW. I'll be donating as soon as the holidays are over and regular office hours resume at OU.
My last weigh in was at a 1 1/2 week follow up with my midwife (she was booked closer to the two week mark) and I was down THIRTY pounds. I still can't believe it. Crazy body! I mean, it's incredible, don't get me wrong, but it is still surprising! I think it's because of a decent metabolism I kept up by keeping up with exercise up to the day I delivered, and drinking a ton of water along with breastfeeding. Definitely isn't diet or exercise. I've been eating a TON of candy and wanting sugar all the time. I think lots of this is due to my being tired and looking for a little lift. I haven't been walking daily since delivering like I should. I walked today nearly two miles with Marilyn and it felt pretty good! Next week I'll be eating more healthy and starting an exercise routine with Tone It Up. I know I need to take care of myself, it's been so easy to put myself on the back burner and just focus on my little girl. But I know I NEED to take care of myself to better take care of and serve my family!
Time to feed - my life is a 2.5 hour routine on repeat infinitely. ha! ;) BYE
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Saturday, December 19, 2015
She finally came! My birth story
I never got around to posting a 41 week pregnancy update. Oops. I did make sure to take pictures, which I am glad for.
Marilyn Elizabeth Mueller was born December 5th, 2015 at 3:18am.
She is absolutely beautiful and I love motherhood. It is SO hard, but I love it!
**My husband's add-in's are in blue
Before I get into the labor & delivery, I have to back up and say that my husband and I did a TON of research to figure out the kind of birth experience we wanted. We read countless studies and I read a ton of other mother's experiences with every type of delivery imaginable. Below is what we decided we wanted. We picked our midwife, doula, and hospital around it. For every thing we wanted, we had a list of reasons why. (As a dentist, super-nerd and bookworm I enjoyed the research, and as it concerned the life and well-being of my dear wife and unborn child I was intense about it. I have a very high regard for American medicine and on the whole consider it the best in the world, but unlike some physicians in my family I don't think they have all aspects 100% right. So I was diligent in studying the published research and methods of other countries that had better stats than we did in certain areas of ob-gyn and neonatology. I then discussed these findings with physician friends here and was surprised that many said they privately endorsed unorthodox or other-than-standard practices for themselves and their families, but due to lawsuits, insurance reimbursement or fear of being viewed as a rebel/hipster/Euro-trash didn't practice some of these things. While I greatly appreciated their candor, I was glad I didn't have to live the same way in my profession. One aspect that many dentists of my generation have endeavored to change is pain management, and specifically the fear-pain-anxiety cycle that causes so much damage. Which is also the category of American birth that we need the most improvement. We actually rate worst in the world according to the W.H.O. Much of this is attributed to the pop culture media that portrays pregnancy as a disease, and childbirth as a torture method invented by evil Nazi scientists. I view both as inherent design of the female body by the loving and all-knowing God. I view pregnancy & birth as a temporary condition which has increased demands of mom mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. With that perspective I was able to analyze data to yield practical solutions to aid the women I love. The vast majority of conclusions I reached are echoed by evidencebasedbirth.com Biggest difference in our philosophy was to treat the L&D event as a 1/2 marathon. Both in exercise prior to and diet before and during. )
In addition, we planned to labor at home as long as possible. I wasn't sure how well I'd do with labor and I didn't want the option to have an epidural when I knew I would regret it.
I should probably put some sort of medical disclaimer or something. Don't try this at home? Haha.
The afternoon of Friday, Dec. 4th we scheduled to go to the hospital to be induced the following Thursday, when I would be 42 weeks. None of us felt comfortable going past 42 weeks (risks for many things go up past this point.) I really hated the idea of going to the hospital and having to try different things to get me to go into labor and then staying there to labor for who knows how long. My midwife seemed pretty confident I wouldn't last that long (I had measured 3cm and 60% effaced earlier this week.) She had mentioned a couple natural ways they would try to induce me before trying medicine, one of which being nipple stimulation. I got off the phone pretty discouraged and I am pretty sure I cried. Medicine was not how I wanted to start my labor. I prayed a lot about it, and really tried to do what I had been doing my whole pregnancy - cast my cares upon the Lord. God is good and He blessed me with what I describe as the perfect labor (for me.)
When I got off the phone one of the first things I said to Steve (who was there for this conversation) was "I am NOT going to a hospital to rub my nipples for an hour. I can do that at home!"
..And that is exactly what I did.
Steve had mentioned to me a week or so before about nipple stimulation and vasodilatation producing quite a bit of oxytocin in the body, sending many women into labor. (Western medicine calls this the "Italian induction method." Orgasm releases beneficial hormones, elevates the heart rate and increases blood flow to erogenous zones like the nipples-which when stimulated-especially with wet warm heat "eg wash cloth in warm bath") Leanna (my midwife) said that that alone works on many pregnant women and they don't ever have to be given synthetic induction meds. I had done it a few times (always using a warm washcloth!) but for pretty short periods of time, like 5-10 minutes. The times I had, I did have contractions, but they would eventually go away. After walking a couple miles around the neighborhood (yes, I did the curb walk = switching sides every so often, walk with one foot on the street and the other on the curb. Eventually one of my hips would start to burn and then I would switch.) I came home and drew up a warm bath, (made love), got comfortable, grabbed a wash cloth and started nipple stimulation. I started having contractions pretty quickly - like fifteen minutes in. I kept going for a full hour. By the time I finished we immediately started timing contractions. This is what Steve considers the beginning of my labor, at 8:35 (because the contractions were now regular and longer than 70 seconds). I can't tell you why I thought we should try timing contractions, I don't remember. I don't remember if they were harder and felt different than the braxton hicks (at the time she reported they did.) I'd been having on and off for the last month, if they were just feeling more regular, or both. They definitely felt very similar to my menstrual cramps (which are AWFUL, BTW.) (Her PMDD cramps are terribly bad. Early on in our marriage I thought she was exaggerating about them. while similar in intensity and discomfort-she spoke of them less harshly as they did end every few minutes and on the post-peak of the intensity she would get enkephalins of euphoria-yay!)
Here's how the labor went down.
Steve knew I was in labor long before I did. (she had some irregular contractions that were ~45 seconds day long, but caused her to make a face of pain and determination I had seen in tasks of demanding physically effort.) We texted my doula a little after 8pm that I was having some contractions and she suggested I drink some water and try to get some rest. So I got out of the tub and tried to lay down in bed.
...
There was no way I could rest. LOL I felt fine in between, of course, but the contractions required too much of my attention to fall asleep. Steve had been timing the contractions, and by 9:50 my contractions were averaging 1:24 long and a little less than 3 minutes apart. I called Laura and she thought I sounded pretty good (it was in between contractions) and we decided we'd wait to make the call for her to head over to our house (this was against my wishes as I knew this was real and that I needed her help but insisting with a beautiful women is usually fruitless and idiotic if she's in labor.) We did many different positions during this stage of labor. (I helped her switch every 4-5 contractions) As I progressed, I had really intense, sharp pain in my hips (I've read 1 million different birth stories - I have never heard of that, though!) I would yell for Steve to start pressing my hips together when my contractions started. (Our BirthMatters class instructor mentioned this to me as a common thing so it didn't surprise me a bit.)We planned on my needing back rubs during labor so Steve was definitely ready to go and help in any way possible. I remember him rubbing my back a few times, (every 4th damn contraction) but more than anything I wanted my hips pushed together (every damn contraction-or she would yell and curse until I did). I sat on a large exercise ball while Steve squeezed my hips together quite a bit, and also would lay down on the bed and have him press down on my hips there as well. Eventually I could NOT sit on the exercise ball anymore, once again, because of my hips. I had diarrhea (for the previous 24 hours, actually) (It was more intense in frequency and smell during labor) and was sipping water in between contractions like a boss (hydration during labor is huge!) (just shy of 4 liters in 5 hours), so I had to use the restroom often. When I had contractions at the same time my hip pain was excruciating. When I think back on the whole labor and delivery, this seemed like the worst part. (agreed, it increased the intensity of her pain and again-was something taught in our excellent birth class--biophysiologically it made sense to me as it forces the pelvic girdle open.) At midnight I was lying down on one side and Steve was putting as much pressure and body weight into my hip as possible - my water broke! (Audibly!) Even though my contractions were long, close together, and very intense, it took my water breaking for me to even consider that this was the real deal. I told Steve to call my mom and tell her to head our way (about a two hour drive) (unbeknownst to her, I already had contacted her mom 20 minutes prior) and our doula (one hour drive.) Pretty much immediately after my water broke, excuse my french.. SHIT. GOT. REAL. I wanted to get in the tub so bad, but we didn't have filtered water and I was concerned about a possible infection because my bag of waters had broken - so I got in the shower. (There were a few home births with infant mortality in the last 24 months due to this) The hot water felt AMAZING. At this point I don't remember much hip pain, just really hard contractions. I swayed my hips back and forth in between contractions and during I would hang my body down while holding on to the top of the door. I was in our master bathroom shower which is actually smaller than our guest shower, and I wanted Steve in there with me so we switched to the guest one. (she didn't want me--she wanted her hips squeezed, so I put on my swimsuit and an undershirt) I hung onto Steve for dear life during contractions with the hot water on my back. I threw up the little I had snacked on during the first few hours of labor (some walnuts and a couple bites of an energy bar .. it wasn't long before I was busy working with the contractions too much to eat, even during the breaks.) I was starting to feel exhausted. My body was working VERY hard and I wanted to lay down somehow, but I didn't want to leave the shower either. 1:20am Our doula, Laura, arrived and I remember thinking she might surprised how things are going. (I remember thinking that I wanted to pass out from hunger and faint from tiredness simultaneously and was both relieved Laura was there to help and angry at her that she wasn't there earlier-only to find out later that she didn't see my frantic texts for help. At this point I had been without food 13 or sleep for 20 hours, and Karen had been awake since her Tone It Up workout 18 hours prior)
Very important to note: I'm not sure when Steve started reading a sheet of Bible verses I had printed for labor, (11:15 PM) but I do remember that when Laura got there, she started reading them b/c Steve was in the shower with me. I was begging for them. Focusing on Christ and the verses they repeated to me and what they meant felt like the ONLY thing getting me through contractions. Steve was so encouraging the entire time. He would try to tell me how great I was doing and it really pissed me off. (first stage of labor it didn't-but during the second stage I lost all credibility in her eyes. This timing coincided exactly with that 'point of serious concentration' that birthing books describe) All I could think when he would tell me that I was doing great was self doubt or a negative argument ("No, I'm not doing great." "I have forever long to go, it's only been a few hours" "etc...) and I did NOT want to think about myself. I felt like the only thing that could get me through contractions was praying for God's help and focussing all my energy and thoughts on Him and whatever Bible verse I was being told. It was quite a spiritual experience. None like I'd ever experienced in my life so far. God delivered.
Not long after Laura got to our home we ran out of hot water :( so Steve and Laura quickly put new sheets on the bed (remember my water broke while I was in bed, so at some point Steve removed them) and I went to lie down there. Laura was incredible. Along with the Bible verses, she just knew exactly what to say and how to rub my hips. I don't think I lasted long on my side, maybe half an hour. I remember feeling during the peak of these contractions, "I cannot do this. This is too much." (she began to verbalize this, along with a desire to go to the hospital. First mention I tried to persuade her to labor longer at home and told her that I heard her and we could re-evaluate and decide in 30 minutes, the 2nd such comment convinced me to pack the car.) But in between the contractions I felt much better. I never once thought about pain medication. My train of thought didn't go past the simple 'I can't do it.' It was here were I also said that I needed to go to the hospital. One (or both repeatedly.) of them asked me why and I just said "I don't know." lol I vaguely remember this, and I have no recollection of WHY I wanted to go to the hospital. I think I may have just been scared. I kept thinking, "Oh my word - I could have TEN PLUS more HOURS of this!" and I was already SO tired. (this is at 0150 hours.)
Soon I switched to my hands and knees, in an inverted position, with some pillows to support my stomach. Once again, no clue how long I was here when Laura told me that I needed to let them know if I felt any pressure down there or like pushing - and it immediately hit me that I did. I told her and right away she yelled for Steve, who, poor thing, was trying to FINALLY get some dinner, and told him "It's time to go!" They were getting together a few last minute things & I threw on a pair of Steve's pajama pants and one of his t-shirts - there was NO way I was getting into anything tighter, I was so hot! It was this pushing stage I started screaming during contractions. And boy, it felt GOOD to PUSH!(0231)
Steve called my mom when we were in the car to let her know we were heading to the hospital. We got to the hospital around 2:45am and Laura wheeled me in to triage (dismissed the nurse's 'important paperwork') and let the receptionist know we were ready to have this baby NOW. She immediately got off the phone and had someone take us right back to a room to get looked at. Steve got inside with all our baby swag around the time the nurse checked me out - I was 10cm! She said I had some cervical lip (I wasn't fully dilated) and told me to NOT push. I may have laughed in my head at this. Not push? I'll let my uterus know. Ha! She really tried her best to freak me out, bless her heart. There was something about ending up in the ER, (and dying by desanguination. If I see that nurse again, I will smack her-hard. This was the biggest disappointment in the hospital) blah blah.. After she left the room Laura reassured me I was fine and not to worry. They immediately took me up to labor and delivery and I definitely screamed during contractions down the hall way. In the room there was a bit of chaos - quite a few nurses were scurrying around getting the room ready for "a hot one" ;) In between contractions I switched beds and immediately got on my left side. I had a hard time concentrating & calming myself down amongst the chaos before Laura made her way to me, made eye contact with me and coached me through the rest. Enter peanut ball. OH MY AMAZING. I pretty much delivered in this position, although I did turn over a little so I could pull in my right leg towards my body towards the end.
I had asked for warm, wet compression on my perineum - how on Earth did I think of this during this time?! Ha! It felt SO good!! (both husband and doula were shouting for the perineal compress...so....there's that)
I definitely felt the ring of fire. Twice. It feels just like it sounds. Neither one of these times was when I was pushing her out. Which, BTW, I did on my own. What I mean by that is: the midwife (who was being shadowed by a midwife-in-training) and nurses had me push my baby out in between contractions. I was annoyed by this afterwards, but in the moment I just did as I was told. I lost sight of Laura in all this. They yelled, "take a deep breath! hold it in! and PUSH!!" and so I did. This was hard work and no joke. I remember wishing for a contraction to help me out, but it never came. I also remember feeling so tired and at one point I do believe I said out loud, "I can't" which was followed by lots of encouraging "You can"'s. (we both touched Marilyn's head as she was crowning--a must)
33 minutes after we pulled into the hospital, at 3:18am Marilyn made her way into the world.
There is nothing in the world like feeling my baby come out of me. It was absolutely incredible. And immediately followed by relief and immeasurable joy filled me as they placed her on my stomach.
She screamed and I loved it. :) <3 (Karen and I began saying prayers into her ears, this was one of the most special times in my life.)
My mom got to cut the umbilical cord (what a special surprise! we didn't plan on that.) My placenta took a little bit of time to deliver, I think it was nearing an hour (41 min). They pushed on my stomach a couple times and I pushed a couple times before it finally came. It was weird, and hard to push because I was just so stinking tired! It wasn't as hard as getting a baby out, that's for sure. (it helped Karen immensely here to be told to stare at our baby while she was doing this-it was more effective than any opioid.)
The midwife felt I had "bled too much" and suggested pitocin and I took it. In hind sight I don't think I needed it (I bled within a normal range) and I'm annoyed that I did. It's a weird thing - during labor I just couldn't think about anything but what my body was going through. I think Steve may have been a little too tired, hungry, and shook up by the whole thing to think any different, either. I suppose we should have set out a specific number of blood loss before hand for when we'd take medicine. Oh, well. Downside to having a hospital birth, I suppose. (Being wired the way I am I really tried to think as her OB would think and try to track all these numbers and next steps. I knew she had only bled ~ 350cc. When they said she was in need of oxytocin I immediately said, "How much has she lost?!" '375mL' came the response, I retorted that is within normal range isn't it!? being pretty sure 500mL was normal, and 750 was my point of risk/benefit. I got out voted. This was #2 of three things I thought were less than ideal, but out of hundreds of decision points in our 35 hour stay-it was a great experience on the whole)
I was shocked when they told me I tore. Even MORE shocked when they told me I tore in three places. (Isn't it wonderful that you don't feel it?!) (One was a deep grade 2) It took an hour and half for the midwife to stitch me up. (Point of contention #3 for me, I give 6-20 shots in peoples' faces every day. I was appalled at the midwife's lack of skill here, and that when I requested a different local anesthetic which they have in stock, they didn't go get it. I should have insisted but didn't want to seem like a male pig that knows better than the 9 women in the room. I regret this. What should have been 2 well-placed shots of bupivacaine became 7 shots of lidocaine, 6 of which Karen was very bothered by.) My legs kept shaking and my feet were freezing, but I didn't notice (most all of this was because of the epinephrine in the 9cc of anesthetic they gave her). I think it may have been Laura that noticed and she and a nurse put a couple pairs of socks on my feet. (Husband gets no credit!? I also requested 2 warm blankets to wrap around her legs.) I kept apologizing for how much I was shaking - I knew that wasn't helping with the stitching! Marilyn was still on me and that really made it go by fast. (83 minutes!!! I could have done it on a woman that wasn't my wife in under 15) By this time she had made her way all the way up to right under my chin. Her strong legs scooted her up quite a bit! We were hoping she'd latch herself onto my breast but she passed them and we had to move her back down to help her out with the first latch.
The midwife that was present at my birth was not the one I'd been seeing during my pregnancy. My midwife wasn't on call, but if we'd had more time we would have insisted they call her. If they called her the second we got there, I don't think she would have made it. She did come to see me at the hospital the next day to visit with me and discharge me - that meant a lot to me. She seemed pretty supportive of the calls that were made by the midwife that was present during my birth, so I'm not sure it could have gone any other way had she made it. (I disagree here, she was merely being professional and courteous to her partner.) Although, I do wonder. Once again, downside to having a hospital birth - risking my own midwife not being there for the birth of my baby.
I was pretty sore the first few days, and I have no clue how much of that can be chalked up to the tears vs just giving birth vaginally. I never once regretted choosing to not have an episiotomy and I am still glad I made that choice and would/will choose it again. (most of karen's pain from her "torn to bits lady-bits" was from over-use of the benzocaine topical anesthetic the nurse left in her bathroom without instructions, Karen literally used 2 weeks worth of that spray in under 2 days giving herself a 2nd degree chemical burn.)
So nearly everything went exactly as we hoped and planned! I was and am SO thankful to God for a short labor and that I didn't cave to unnecessary medicines (it's just not for me and I knew I'd regret it.) I'm also thankful for a great recovery so far (just VERY tired and trying my best to not over do it at home so I can heal faster) and a perfectly healthy GORGEOUS little girl!
I loved that our daughter never once left our room. She was immediately put on my belly and she stayed on me for hours until I finally had to hand her over to Steve to use the restroom. Any procedures or little tests they did on her, were done in our room. The doctors were always so kind and asked nicely if it was okay for them to take her - a nice little detail that makes all the difference than, "We need to take her and ______." The nurses in labor and delivery were incredible.
(My wife is awesome!)
Marilyn Elizabeth Mueller was born December 5th, 2015 at 3:18am.
She is absolutely beautiful and I love motherhood. It is SO hard, but I love it!
**My husband's add-in's are in blue
Before I get into the labor & delivery, I have to back up and say that my husband and I did a TON of research to figure out the kind of birth experience we wanted. We read countless studies and I read a ton of other mother's experiences with every type of delivery imaginable. Below is what we decided we wanted. We picked our midwife, doula, and hospital around it. For every thing we wanted, we had a list of reasons why. (As a dentist, super-nerd and bookworm I enjoyed the research, and as it concerned the life and well-being of my dear wife and unborn child I was intense about it. I have a very high regard for American medicine and on the whole consider it the best in the world, but unlike some physicians in my family I don't think they have all aspects 100% right. So I was diligent in studying the published research and methods of other countries that had better stats than we did in certain areas of ob-gyn and neonatology. I then discussed these findings with physician friends here and was surprised that many said they privately endorsed unorthodox or other-than-standard practices for themselves and their families, but due to lawsuits, insurance reimbursement or fear of being viewed as a rebel/hipster/Euro-trash didn't practice some of these things. While I greatly appreciated their candor, I was glad I didn't have to live the same way in my profession. One aspect that many dentists of my generation have endeavored to change is pain management, and specifically the fear-pain-anxiety cycle that causes so much damage. Which is also the category of American birth that we need the most improvement. We actually rate worst in the world according to the W.H.O. Much of this is attributed to the pop culture media that portrays pregnancy as a disease, and childbirth as a torture method invented by evil Nazi scientists. I view both as inherent design of the female body by the loving and all-knowing God. I view pregnancy & birth as a temporary condition which has increased demands of mom mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. With that perspective I was able to analyze data to yield practical solutions to aid the women I love. The vast majority of conclusions I reached are echoed by evidencebasedbirth.com Biggest difference in our philosophy was to treat the L&D event as a 1/2 marathon. Both in exercise prior to and diet before and during. )
I should probably put some sort of medical disclaimer or something. Don't try this at home? Haha.
The afternoon of Friday, Dec. 4th we scheduled to go to the hospital to be induced the following Thursday, when I would be 42 weeks. None of us felt comfortable going past 42 weeks (risks for many things go up past this point.) I really hated the idea of going to the hospital and having to try different things to get me to go into labor and then staying there to labor for who knows how long. My midwife seemed pretty confident I wouldn't last that long (I had measured 3cm and 60% effaced earlier this week.) She had mentioned a couple natural ways they would try to induce me before trying medicine, one of which being nipple stimulation. I got off the phone pretty discouraged and I am pretty sure I cried. Medicine was not how I wanted to start my labor. I prayed a lot about it, and really tried to do what I had been doing my whole pregnancy - cast my cares upon the Lord. God is good and He blessed me with what I describe as the perfect labor (for me.)
When I got off the phone one of the first things I said to Steve (who was there for this conversation) was "I am NOT going to a hospital to rub my nipples for an hour. I can do that at home!"
..And that is exactly what I did.
Steve had mentioned to me a week or so before about nipple stimulation and vasodilatation producing quite a bit of oxytocin in the body, sending many women into labor. (Western medicine calls this the "Italian induction method." Orgasm releases beneficial hormones, elevates the heart rate and increases blood flow to erogenous zones like the nipples-which when stimulated-especially with wet warm heat "eg wash cloth in warm bath") Leanna (my midwife) said that that alone works on many pregnant women and they don't ever have to be given synthetic induction meds. I had done it a few times (always using a warm washcloth!) but for pretty short periods of time, like 5-10 minutes. The times I had, I did have contractions, but they would eventually go away. After walking a couple miles around the neighborhood (yes, I did the curb walk = switching sides every so often, walk with one foot on the street and the other on the curb. Eventually one of my hips would start to burn and then I would switch.) I came home and drew up a warm bath, (made love), got comfortable, grabbed a wash cloth and started nipple stimulation. I started having contractions pretty quickly - like fifteen minutes in. I kept going for a full hour. By the time I finished we immediately started timing contractions. This is what Steve considers the beginning of my labor, at 8:35 (because the contractions were now regular and longer than 70 seconds). I can't tell you why I thought we should try timing contractions, I don't remember. I don't remember if they were harder and felt different than the braxton hicks (at the time she reported they did.) I'd been having on and off for the last month, if they were just feeling more regular, or both. They definitely felt very similar to my menstrual cramps (which are AWFUL, BTW.) (Her PMDD cramps are terribly bad. Early on in our marriage I thought she was exaggerating about them. while similar in intensity and discomfort-she spoke of them less harshly as they did end every few minutes and on the post-peak of the intensity she would get enkephalins of euphoria-yay!)
Here's how the labor went down.
Steve knew I was in labor long before I did. (she had some irregular contractions that were ~45 seconds day long, but caused her to make a face of pain and determination I had seen in tasks of demanding physically effort.) We texted my doula a little after 8pm that I was having some contractions and she suggested I drink some water and try to get some rest. So I got out of the tub and tried to lay down in bed.
...
There was no way I could rest. LOL I felt fine in between, of course, but the contractions required too much of my attention to fall asleep. Steve had been timing the contractions, and by 9:50 my contractions were averaging 1:24 long and a little less than 3 minutes apart. I called Laura and she thought I sounded pretty good (it was in between contractions) and we decided we'd wait to make the call for her to head over to our house (this was against my wishes as I knew this was real and that I needed her help but insisting with a beautiful women is usually fruitless and idiotic if she's in labor.) We did many different positions during this stage of labor. (I helped her switch every 4-5 contractions) As I progressed, I had really intense, sharp pain in my hips (I've read 1 million different birth stories - I have never heard of that, though!) I would yell for Steve to start pressing my hips together when my contractions started. (Our BirthMatters class instructor mentioned this to me as a common thing so it didn't surprise me a bit.)We planned on my needing back rubs during labor so Steve was definitely ready to go and help in any way possible. I remember him rubbing my back a few times, (every 4th damn contraction) but more than anything I wanted my hips pushed together (every damn contraction-or she would yell and curse until I did). I sat on a large exercise ball while Steve squeezed my hips together quite a bit, and also would lay down on the bed and have him press down on my hips there as well. Eventually I could NOT sit on the exercise ball anymore, once again, because of my hips. I had diarrhea (for the previous 24 hours, actually) (It was more intense in frequency and smell during labor) and was sipping water in between contractions like a boss (hydration during labor is huge!) (just shy of 4 liters in 5 hours), so I had to use the restroom often. When I had contractions at the same time my hip pain was excruciating. When I think back on the whole labor and delivery, this seemed like the worst part. (agreed, it increased the intensity of her pain and again-was something taught in our excellent birth class--biophysiologically it made sense to me as it forces the pelvic girdle open.) At midnight I was lying down on one side and Steve was putting as much pressure and body weight into my hip as possible - my water broke! (Audibly!) Even though my contractions were long, close together, and very intense, it took my water breaking for me to even consider that this was the real deal. I told Steve to call my mom and tell her to head our way (about a two hour drive) (unbeknownst to her, I already had contacted her mom 20 minutes prior) and our doula (one hour drive.) Pretty much immediately after my water broke, excuse my french.. SHIT. GOT. REAL. I wanted to get in the tub so bad, but we didn't have filtered water and I was concerned about a possible infection because my bag of waters had broken - so I got in the shower. (There were a few home births with infant mortality in the last 24 months due to this) The hot water felt AMAZING. At this point I don't remember much hip pain, just really hard contractions. I swayed my hips back and forth in between contractions and during I would hang my body down while holding on to the top of the door. I was in our master bathroom shower which is actually smaller than our guest shower, and I wanted Steve in there with me so we switched to the guest one. (she didn't want me--she wanted her hips squeezed, so I put on my swimsuit and an undershirt) I hung onto Steve for dear life during contractions with the hot water on my back. I threw up the little I had snacked on during the first few hours of labor (some walnuts and a couple bites of an energy bar .. it wasn't long before I was busy working with the contractions too much to eat, even during the breaks.) I was starting to feel exhausted. My body was working VERY hard and I wanted to lay down somehow, but I didn't want to leave the shower either. 1:20am Our doula, Laura, arrived and I remember thinking she might surprised how things are going. (I remember thinking that I wanted to pass out from hunger and faint from tiredness simultaneously and was both relieved Laura was there to help and angry at her that she wasn't there earlier-only to find out later that she didn't see my frantic texts for help. At this point I had been without food 13 or sleep for 20 hours, and Karen had been awake since her Tone It Up workout 18 hours prior)
Very important to note: I'm not sure when Steve started reading a sheet of Bible verses I had printed for labor, (11:15 PM) but I do remember that when Laura got there, she started reading them b/c Steve was in the shower with me. I was begging for them. Focusing on Christ and the verses they repeated to me and what they meant felt like the ONLY thing getting me through contractions. Steve was so encouraging the entire time. He would try to tell me how great I was doing and it really pissed me off. (first stage of labor it didn't-but during the second stage I lost all credibility in her eyes. This timing coincided exactly with that 'point of serious concentration' that birthing books describe) All I could think when he would tell me that I was doing great was self doubt or a negative argument ("No, I'm not doing great." "I have forever long to go, it's only been a few hours" "etc...) and I did NOT want to think about myself. I felt like the only thing that could get me through contractions was praying for God's help and focussing all my energy and thoughts on Him and whatever Bible verse I was being told. It was quite a spiritual experience. None like I'd ever experienced in my life so far. God delivered.
Not long after Laura got to our home we ran out of hot water :( so Steve and Laura quickly put new sheets on the bed (remember my water broke while I was in bed, so at some point Steve removed them) and I went to lie down there. Laura was incredible. Along with the Bible verses, she just knew exactly what to say and how to rub my hips. I don't think I lasted long on my side, maybe half an hour. I remember feeling during the peak of these contractions, "I cannot do this. This is too much." (she began to verbalize this, along with a desire to go to the hospital. First mention I tried to persuade her to labor longer at home and told her that I heard her and we could re-evaluate and decide in 30 minutes, the 2nd such comment convinced me to pack the car.) But in between the contractions I felt much better. I never once thought about pain medication. My train of thought didn't go past the simple 'I can't do it.' It was here were I also said that I needed to go to the hospital. One (or both repeatedly.) of them asked me why and I just said "I don't know." lol I vaguely remember this, and I have no recollection of WHY I wanted to go to the hospital. I think I may have just been scared. I kept thinking, "Oh my word - I could have TEN PLUS more HOURS of this!" and I was already SO tired. (this is at 0150 hours.)
Soon I switched to my hands and knees, in an inverted position, with some pillows to support my stomach. Once again, no clue how long I was here when Laura told me that I needed to let them know if I felt any pressure down there or like pushing - and it immediately hit me that I did. I told her and right away she yelled for Steve, who, poor thing, was trying to FINALLY get some dinner, and told him "It's time to go!" They were getting together a few last minute things & I threw on a pair of Steve's pajama pants and one of his t-shirts - there was NO way I was getting into anything tighter, I was so hot! It was this pushing stage I started screaming during contractions. And boy, it felt GOOD to PUSH!(0231)
Steve called my mom when we were in the car to let her know we were heading to the hospital. We got to the hospital around 2:45am and Laura wheeled me in to triage (dismissed the nurse's 'important paperwork') and let the receptionist know we were ready to have this baby NOW. She immediately got off the phone and had someone take us right back to a room to get looked at. Steve got inside with all our baby swag around the time the nurse checked me out - I was 10cm! She said I had some cervical lip (I wasn't fully dilated) and told me to NOT push. I may have laughed in my head at this. Not push? I'll let my uterus know. Ha! She really tried her best to freak me out, bless her heart. There was something about ending up in the ER, (and dying by desanguination. If I see that nurse again, I will smack her-hard. This was the biggest disappointment in the hospital) blah blah.. After she left the room Laura reassured me I was fine and not to worry. They immediately took me up to labor and delivery and I definitely screamed during contractions down the hall way. In the room there was a bit of chaos - quite a few nurses were scurrying around getting the room ready for "a hot one" ;) In between contractions I switched beds and immediately got on my left side. I had a hard time concentrating & calming myself down amongst the chaos before Laura made her way to me, made eye contact with me and coached me through the rest. Enter peanut ball. OH MY AMAZING. I pretty much delivered in this position, although I did turn over a little so I could pull in my right leg towards my body towards the end.
I had asked for warm, wet compression on my perineum - how on Earth did I think of this during this time?! Ha! It felt SO good!! (both husband and doula were shouting for the perineal compress...so....there's that)
I definitely felt the ring of fire. Twice. It feels just like it sounds. Neither one of these times was when I was pushing her out. Which, BTW, I did on my own. What I mean by that is: the midwife (who was being shadowed by a midwife-in-training) and nurses had me push my baby out in between contractions. I was annoyed by this afterwards, but in the moment I just did as I was told. I lost sight of Laura in all this. They yelled, "take a deep breath! hold it in! and PUSH!!" and so I did. This was hard work and no joke. I remember wishing for a contraction to help me out, but it never came. I also remember feeling so tired and at one point I do believe I said out loud, "I can't" which was followed by lots of encouraging "You can"'s. (we both touched Marilyn's head as she was crowning--a must)
33 minutes after we pulled into the hospital, at 3:18am Marilyn made her way into the world.
There is nothing in the world like feeling my baby come out of me. It was absolutely incredible. And immediately followed by relief and immeasurable joy filled me as they placed her on my stomach.
She screamed and I loved it. :) <3 (Karen and I began saying prayers into her ears, this was one of the most special times in my life.)
My mom got to cut the umbilical cord (what a special surprise! we didn't plan on that.) My placenta took a little bit of time to deliver, I think it was nearing an hour (41 min). They pushed on my stomach a couple times and I pushed a couple times before it finally came. It was weird, and hard to push because I was just so stinking tired! It wasn't as hard as getting a baby out, that's for sure. (it helped Karen immensely here to be told to stare at our baby while she was doing this-it was more effective than any opioid.)
The midwife felt I had "bled too much" and suggested pitocin and I took it. In hind sight I don't think I needed it (I bled within a normal range) and I'm annoyed that I did. It's a weird thing - during labor I just couldn't think about anything but what my body was going through. I think Steve may have been a little too tired, hungry, and shook up by the whole thing to think any different, either. I suppose we should have set out a specific number of blood loss before hand for when we'd take medicine. Oh, well. Downside to having a hospital birth, I suppose. (Being wired the way I am I really tried to think as her OB would think and try to track all these numbers and next steps. I knew she had only bled ~ 350cc. When they said she was in need of oxytocin I immediately said, "How much has she lost?!" '375mL' came the response, I retorted that is within normal range isn't it!? being pretty sure 500mL was normal, and 750 was my point of risk/benefit. I got out voted. This was #2 of three things I thought were less than ideal, but out of hundreds of decision points in our 35 hour stay-it was a great experience on the whole)
I was shocked when they told me I tore. Even MORE shocked when they told me I tore in three places. (Isn't it wonderful that you don't feel it?!) (One was a deep grade 2) It took an hour and half for the midwife to stitch me up. (Point of contention #3 for me, I give 6-20 shots in peoples' faces every day. I was appalled at the midwife's lack of skill here, and that when I requested a different local anesthetic which they have in stock, they didn't go get it. I should have insisted but didn't want to seem like a male pig that knows better than the 9 women in the room. I regret this. What should have been 2 well-placed shots of bupivacaine became 7 shots of lidocaine, 6 of which Karen was very bothered by.) My legs kept shaking and my feet were freezing, but I didn't notice (most all of this was because of the epinephrine in the 9cc of anesthetic they gave her). I think it may have been Laura that noticed and she and a nurse put a couple pairs of socks on my feet. (Husband gets no credit!? I also requested 2 warm blankets to wrap around her legs.) I kept apologizing for how much I was shaking - I knew that wasn't helping with the stitching! Marilyn was still on me and that really made it go by fast. (83 minutes!!! I could have done it on a woman that wasn't my wife in under 15) By this time she had made her way all the way up to right under my chin. Her strong legs scooted her up quite a bit! We were hoping she'd latch herself onto my breast but she passed them and we had to move her back down to help her out with the first latch.
The midwife that was present at my birth was not the one I'd been seeing during my pregnancy. My midwife wasn't on call, but if we'd had more time we would have insisted they call her. If they called her the second we got there, I don't think she would have made it. She did come to see me at the hospital the next day to visit with me and discharge me - that meant a lot to me. She seemed pretty supportive of the calls that were made by the midwife that was present during my birth, so I'm not sure it could have gone any other way had she made it. (I disagree here, she was merely being professional and courteous to her partner.) Although, I do wonder. Once again, downside to having a hospital birth - risking my own midwife not being there for the birth of my baby.
I was pretty sore the first few days, and I have no clue how much of that can be chalked up to the tears vs just giving birth vaginally. I never once regretted choosing to not have an episiotomy and I am still glad I made that choice and would/will choose it again. (most of karen's pain from her "torn to bits lady-bits" was from over-use of the benzocaine topical anesthetic the nurse left in her bathroom without instructions, Karen literally used 2 weeks worth of that spray in under 2 days giving herself a 2nd degree chemical burn.)
So nearly everything went exactly as we hoped and planned! I was and am SO thankful to God for a short labor and that I didn't cave to unnecessary medicines (it's just not for me and I knew I'd regret it.) I'm also thankful for a great recovery so far (just VERY tired and trying my best to not over do it at home so I can heal faster) and a perfectly healthy GORGEOUS little girl!
I loved that our daughter never once left our room. She was immediately put on my belly and she stayed on me for hours until I finally had to hand her over to Steve to use the restroom. Any procedures or little tests they did on her, were done in our room. The doctors were always so kind and asked nicely if it was okay for them to take her - a nice little detail that makes all the difference than, "We need to take her and ______." The nurses in labor and delivery were incredible.
(My wife is awesome!)
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Praying for natural labor.
We went in for a routine check-up yesterday. We asked about induction - we have been reading a lot and didn't think it would be wise to go past 42 weeks so I wanted to know a game plan. Our midwife really couldn't give us a plan without knowing where I was at physically so I went ahead and had a cervical check. OUCH. I cried. Then I cried and freaked out in the car ride home because I just can't imagine a baby's head and body coming out of my vagina! I'm so scared of the pain! (But more scared to get an epidural and terrified of a cesarean.)
Anyway - I was 60% effaced, 3cm dilated, and I don't remember what she said about softness of my cervix - I think she said "medium" - which all ended up giving me a apgar score of 7. Which means if I got induced I'd have a good chance of not needing a cesarean. I have an ultrasound tomorrow to check on the baby and I think from there if all is good then we may induce the following Thursday (42 weeks.)
I'm really praying I don't have to be induced. Our midwife seemed pretty encouraged that we wouldn't need to, and I may very well go into labor before our next appointment set up for next Tuesday. Steve also felt like I'd go into labor in the next couple days after talking to her. I'm still not convinced. I'm also getting more scared of labor, though.
I had a lot of cramping, bleeding, and contractions all day yesterday after my exam. Contractions today are still a little more intense than before but nothing consistent or worth timing yet.
We have been having sex most days for the last few weeks and I yesterday I started trying nipple stimulation to get labor going, too. My left breast leaked a little, so that's good I guess. I really do not want to have to be medically induced. It will be that much harder to not get pain medication and an epidural.. :( Plus increase chances of needing a c-section...
Baby's heart rate was high 120's-130's. I hope I get some pictures from tomorrow's ultrasound or at least a good peek at her!
Anyway - I was 60% effaced, 3cm dilated, and I don't remember what she said about softness of my cervix - I think she said "medium" - which all ended up giving me a apgar score of 7. Which means if I got induced I'd have a good chance of not needing a cesarean. I have an ultrasound tomorrow to check on the baby and I think from there if all is good then we may induce the following Thursday (42 weeks.)
I'm really praying I don't have to be induced. Our midwife seemed pretty encouraged that we wouldn't need to, and I may very well go into labor before our next appointment set up for next Tuesday. Steve also felt like I'd go into labor in the next couple days after talking to her. I'm still not convinced. I'm also getting more scared of labor, though.
I had a lot of cramping, bleeding, and contractions all day yesterday after my exam. Contractions today are still a little more intense than before but nothing consistent or worth timing yet.
We have been having sex most days for the last few weeks and I yesterday I started trying nipple stimulation to get labor going, too. My left breast leaked a little, so that's good I guess. I really do not want to have to be medically induced. It will be that much harder to not get pain medication and an epidural.. :( Plus increase chances of needing a c-section...
Baby's heart rate was high 120's-130's. I hope I get some pictures from tomorrow's ultrasound or at least a good peek at her!
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